Still on the couch..... sigh


Sunday afternoon and I still have the flu.  I am definitely at the end of it, but it will probably linger for 3 more days or so.  I am going to see if I can handle a run Wednesday.  I don't want to run if I still have flu fatigue as I don't want to exacerbate my recovery.  I do feel a ton of anxiety about not training though.  It's hard to lose the momentum I had been building upon.

I have been having some philosophical discussions with myself about the nature or running as it relates to me and my life.  If running, in and of itself, is enough and if distance, speed and competition is part of the conversation.   In my minds eye I see myself running as an act, as a solitary act where I can turn in on myself and tune out.  I see it as a health benefit for sure, but hope that it can become beneficial for my self and being.

If I keep running will I NEED to run farther? Faster?  If so, how come?  Is it about goals?  Ego?  Or, is it about solitude and peace with my mind/body?  These are questions that I have been mulling over. Is it masochism?  Is it about the overcoming of pain?

There is an interesting relationship with pain and running.  Pain is never not part of the equation.  It's as present and constant as an exhale following an inhale. Learning to overcome (which is definitely the wrong word) pain may be part of the path, but I don't know if that's it.  I DO like how Haruki Murakami sums it up; "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.".

Maybe running is not about the sun (or rain, wind, snow) in your face and a breeze blowing through your hair.  Perhaps it is not even about meditation and finding peace.  Maybe it is about defining a relationship with pain that works for both parties.

I think these are interesting questions and fun musings.  I also think I have been couch bound for too long.  I need to get back out on my loop.  I need to go receive my punishment.

Maybe i'll try tomorrow morning.....